is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
