yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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