I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
