Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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