She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
