Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
