I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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