Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
