dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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