I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my being single is dangerous.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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