Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
