finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
