grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize