He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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