It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
