I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
