Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
