I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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