You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
