I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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