thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
