piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Still dying that you shit outside
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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