Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
