Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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