i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
