and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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