They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
