Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
