If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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