They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
