oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
