new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
