i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
