I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
