Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
