I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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