Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
