I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
