It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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