I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
