cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
