well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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