can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
