Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
