It's just like the Real World with babies
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
