Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
