So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
