I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
