This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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