You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
