my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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