I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
