Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
