WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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