I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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