it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need to stop coming to work sober
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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