Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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