and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
