I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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