I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
