I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
