worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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