He disabled his match.com account in front of me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
