how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
