The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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