Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
