So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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