Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
