You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As shirtless as possible
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
