its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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