dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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