I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
